Monday, February 23, 2009

To have and to hold.

So.. today.. I noticed the ring on my left hand ring finger. And I remembered that I'm engaged and in love and I started freaking out a little bit in my head. This has been happening pretty much on a daily basis for a little over a week now. And still, every time I see the ring... I'm a little surprised. Nevertheless, I'm so sure that this is right for me right now and that this is what I am supposed to be doing with my life. I love J.D. more than I've ever loved anyone, which at one point in my life, I didn't think was possible. When I think about the future, my future, our heart starts to pitter patter a little faster. I don't want to live my life with anyone else. I want to continue courting him, to walk together, dance together, reminisce together... to give flowers and candy, to do little things, go on multiple honeymoons, stay close to him, team up against our problems, find new things to love about him. I want to make mealtimes matter, to cook for each other and create family traditions. I want to make breakfast... and lunch... and dinner.. in bed for each other. I want to try new foods and have meaningful mealtime discussions. I want him to be my first priority always. I want to counsel with him, to plan with him, to go to our kids' activities together and stand on the sidelines cheering them on. I want to load the suburban up, with all their equipment, and sack lunches, and books and bags and drive them where they need to go, while we jam to Disney tunes. I want to call him while he's at work just to tell him that I love him and that I can't wait for him to get home. I want to play together, smile together, laugh together, giggle together, and tickle him to death. I want to run and jump and swinng and watch fun movies with him. I want to dance around our little, modest home with the stereo blasting. I want to watch him toss our children in the air and I want to hear the sweet ringing of children's laughter filling our home. I want to have pillow fights and I want to camp and hike and bike and ski and boat and fish and I want him to teach me how to play tennis. I want us to go on a million first dates. I want to show him my affection, all the time. I want to hug him and kiss him and tackle him to the ground. I want to run my hands through his hair and kiss his ears right where it tickles. I want to play footsies at the kitcken table and hold hands with him at the grocery store. I want to rub noses, wrestle in the grass, snuggle under blankets. I want to give him back rubs when he's tired and hold his hand in prayer. I want to touch his life. I want to talk about what really matters, to tell him how grateful I am for him. I want to share all I have, all I am. I want to tell him all the stories of my childhood and I want him to pretend to think my jokes are funny, even when they aren't. I want to respect him, honor him, and look to him as the leader and patriarch of our home. I want to be able to say I'm wrong when I am and ask forgiveness when I need to. I want to pray with him, and read with him, and have family nights every week. I want to sing songs of worship with him. I want to serve with him, seek direction with him, and go to church with him. I want to mourn together, and comfort one another in times of unspeakable pain. I want our example to be one that our children remember and appreciate always. I want to work at hard things with him. I want to do projects, and housework, and gardening, and crafts with him. I want to resolve our differences. I want to make a difference in the word. I want to celebrate frequently our marriage and family. I want to celebrate birthdays, holidays, achievements, milestones, seasons, the Sabbath day, sacred events, baptims, weddings, the very gift of life itself. I want to spend time with his family and mine, playing board games all night and playing "remember-when." I want to remember where we came from. I want to decorate a home with him and work on home improvement projects together. I want to participate in sports with him, and feed off of that competitive edge that both of us have. When I look at him, this is what I see. This is what I want. This is the reason why I'm so happy... because my life is unfolding before me and I can hardly wait to jump in.

He's mine. To have and to hold... and I couldn't be more excited if I tried.

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