Happy, but selfish, tears.

So.. yesterday was Kylie's wedding. Her dress was beautiful and she was beautiful.

Her and Daniel are both really attractive people.

Her sister, Halie, got home from Thailand last week. It was fun to see all the Packs together :)

Cake.

Flowers.

Set-up.

Bridesmaids.

Happy bride :)

I didn't cry all day until she danced with her dad.

Cutest thing ever!

Best friend.

The party.

Bridesmaids and groomsmen decorating the car.

Sparkler exit! I want this :)

Our girl is gone!

All around it was a pretty happy day. It's been really interesting to see my friends getting married and going to various receptions and seeing how they do things. The whole backyard was beautiful and things came together really nicely. There were so many wonderful people there helping her mom out. It was also really nice to have Kelly's parents there. I thought a lot about her when Kylie was dancing with her dad. Katie and I just held hands and cried as we watched our best friend. I don't know if she was thinking the same things I was, but right then I really wished Kelly could be there with us. It was a bittersweet cry. So much happiness, but a little bit of sadness too. I'm sure that Kylie probably thought of Kel yesterday too. I don't know if I'm ever going to get used to my friends getting married... even when I'm married. It's just a huge flashing sign to remind me that I'm growing up faster than I want to be. I asked Sean if he felt old that his littlest sister was getting married... he told me that he didn't feel old, he just felt that Kylie was way too young to be getting married anyway. At the temple, he started speaking really loudly to Kylie and was like, "Kylie, I know you like to play dress up. But really, Kylie? Taking it to the temple and pretending like you are getting married? That's pushing it a little bit. There are girls here who are actually brides today and you are taking up their space with your silly games. Let's go home." Some people looked at our party a little funny, but that's just Sean. But it was a good day. I think that I'll probably cry at every one of my friend's weddings. Happy, but selfish, tears. I want my friends back.

Just right.

My whole life I have been really quick to judge people who get married after a mere 2 or 3 weeks dating someone, even 2 or 3 months. There are girls I have known in my wards, in my classes at school, in pre-marital classes, through mutual friends, in my apartment complexes... basically everywhere... who completely astound me. I cannot believe how quickly they've been able to commit to marrying someone. I have been dating J.D. for 11 months and I know that some of my friends and family at home are questioning my sanity. I would like to see their faces if they talked to the students here at BYU who have both met and married their spouses in a month's time. I have never quite been able to fathom the stupidity of these people.

But today, I was thinking and reflecting... I had an inkling that I wanted to marry J.D. by September. I was pretty sure by October. And although slow to admit it, I was positive by November. Still, we aren't getting married until August. What?

I know people may act like it takes forever to plan a wedding, but I've come to the conclusion that, if I were to really focus on wedding planning, I would need, tops, 2 months to do everything. I've just been dragging my feet a bit and taking my sweet time because I have the sweet time to take.

The conclusion that I've come to is this: I have been too quick to judge. Who am I to say that so-and-so's engagement was wayyy too short and so-and-so's engagement was wayyyy too long? Who am I to say which way they should've done this or that or the other thing? So to all of you out there who I have judged pretty harshly for your haste in the race to get married, I apologize. I have no idea what your story is. Your timing was probably just right.

Lately

So I've survived a week and a day without J.D. and it definitely hasn't been easy... but it's okay. For the first little bit, all I did was sleep. But lately, the Knowldens have realized that I can be pretty helpful. I've been taking the kids places and picking them up when they need to be picked up. I run errands sometimes and I help with stuff at home. I think Tiffanie likes having me here the most because she borrows my clothes/shoes/jewelry everyday. It doesn't bother me because she is pretty good at putting it back... but usually when I can't find something... she has it. Brayden and Tiff are starting to treat me less as a guest and more as a sister, which is good because now I don't feel quite as invasive. Larry also really likes having me here because I'm really obedient and I'm good at being nice to Tiffanie and to Brayden, which he likes. On Saturday, it was work day. We did a lot of stuff around here. I stained this really cute outside rocking chair and worked on stacking up a bunch of wood in the backyard. It was hard work because it was basically just wood from the house that was knocked out in the re-model and it still had a bunch of nails in it. I had to pull out all the nails and then stack it. My back started hurting a lot and I didn't finish all of it... but it was a good start. I also helped Stephanie organize some craft stuff, which she has a lot of and it was a little overwhelming. Most of it is junk, but she has a good eye for potential and she wants to keep it all. Larry got some couches for J.D. and I from a friend of a friend or something and has been storing them in the garage. The Knowldens wanted to be able to put their cars in the garage so they decided we would clean it out. So I helped with that too. We cleared everything out and were able to move the cars in. J.D. has like eight bins of junk in the garage. It was pretty ridiculous. :) Larry also tilled his gardens and planted some seeds. Tiff mowed the lawn and the cranky next door neighbor's lawn too. She called the cops the other night because we were making too much noise and it was after nine. So stupid! But the Knowldens just decided that they are going to win her over with love and are trying to be very charitable even though they all can't stand her! Haha. Larry was complaining about the heat all day, and I was soaking up the good weather. It wasn't bad at all! I loved it! I told him that he is going to die in Texas in August. I have loved the weather. We walked to a neighbor's for a barbeque yesterday. It was pretty fun and really yummy. Then we went to Steph's sister's for dessert. J.D.'s cousin Tara is pregnant and she told the family yesterday. She was glowing :) His Grandma Gay pretty much loves me too and she got my number yesterday because she wants to go to lunch or something sometime. I'm starting to feel less and less weird being around J.D.'s family, but nothing changes the fact that I miss my family. And that in the end, when all is said and done, I still want to move back to TEXAS when I graduate!

Oh, sisters...

I have gorgeous sisters. I miss being around them. I hope that I have been a good example to them.

They are great girls, with big smiles, and bigger hearts. I know they will do so much good in the world.

Lindsey is flawless. She is good at everything she tries. She's smart and funny and absolutely breathtaking. She's good with words and she's a loyal friend. She's classy and sophisticated. She's also very stubborn and she wants to learn her own life lessons. Sometimes I wish that she would give me the time of day when I try to give her advice because the only reason I do it is because I love her.

Morgan is sweet and growing up too fast. She is brilliant beyond her years. She is sporty, but girly. She wants so badly to be accepted by her big sisters. Sometimes she loses her temper, but I've noticed that she's pretty quick to apologize. Like any pre-teen, she wants life to come faster. I wish I knew how to tell her to enjoy her youth. . . because it passes so quickly and growing up comes soon enough. Her laughter brings happiness to my soul. I wish I could be at home to see her grow and change and become a lady. She's going to be a total knock-out. She already is.

These girls mean more to me than they really know. I wish I could go back to where they are knowing what I know now... But that's not how life works. Everything happens for a reason and every stage of life is worth celebrating.

I'm having such a hard time lately accepting change, accepting that my teenage years are nearly gone, accepting that I'm halfway done with college, accepting that I'm ready to be married, accepting that I won't ever live at home again, accepting that I am responsible for my life and what I do with it, accepting that no matter how hard I try to hold on, time will continue to slip through my fingers. Oh, sisters, if I could only tell you everything I've learned... from heartbreak, from change, from sin, from lost friendships, from new friendships, from tears and pain, from time, from death, from life, from mom, from school, from endings and beginnings, from everything I've experienced thus far. I know that God has so much in store for your lives

and I hope that you'll continue to let me be a part of them. I miss and love you both.

Temporary Madness

I think I could go insane. The past few days all I've really done is slept, blog-stalked, and looked at people's pictures on facebook. My life is currently pretty meaningless. There are a million things I could be doing... namely starting wedding decorations and getting things together for Camp K. I'm just incredibly unmotivated. I need to start making calls to wedding vendors and yada yada but I mostly am just sitting on my butt. Last night I went for milkshakes with the old roomies. It was absolutely wonderful. I thoroughly enjoyed myself. I came to Jocelyn's to sleep. I also enjoyed the catch-up with her. Today Jeff took me for a motorcycle ride. We went all around Provo and Orem and it was pretty thrilling to just be on the back of his bike. I hope he finds a girl soon so that he can take her on a ride and win her heart. There were some backroads we drove on that had the potential to be incredibly romantic. I mostly miss J.D. and am putting up with this temporary madness because it's all going to be okay in August! 100 days!

Life in Pictures.

Here's a quick recap of my life in pictures.

I am still totally in love with J.D.!

I was able to do a lot of fun things with him and my roommates over the past few weeks.

We went to Divine Comedy

Anna came to visit for Cory's birthday.

We went to the end of the year ward activity.

Cory opened all her birthay present. haha.

J.D. and I went to a ballroom dance performance at UVU.
We ate at Fuddruckers with the Platinum Office.Comedy Sportz was really funny :)

We studied for finals...

But mostly just enjoyed a sunny Sunday afternoon at Kiwanis Park.

My roommates and I finished finals and went country dancing.
Stefanie looked really cute with Adam. :)

I realized how much I was going to miss living with these girls...
But how excited I am to live with this boy!

I got to see good friends I haven't seen in a while.

We missed Kylie that night.

We had a picnic in the park.

We said good-bye to Regency 212. :(My mom came to Utah to help me plan my wedding.

And then J.D. left for Ohio. Sad day! I am so grateful for all of the wonderful people I have in my life and how blessed I am to have such good friends!