Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Two years ago.

Two years ago today, I'd been engaged for 3 days. I was still in lovestruck heaven, mesmerized by the idea of having a fiance! A man to be my husband. My lover. My best friend. My closest companion. For. Ever. No doubt, I was really young. I was really scared. I had all kinds of crazy fears and emotions. I didn't think I could cook, or clean, or budget, or manage a home. . . or do any wife-y type thing at all, for that matter. But I did know one thing, for sure.

I knew I could love.

And, oh boy, did I. I loved him more than I ever knew I could love someone. He made me feel comfortable all the time. I never felt like I was pretending to be anything but myself. When I looked at him, I ached for more. I wanted to be connected with him in the deepest ways. And when I tried to imagine my future in my head, it hurt not to have him in the picture. I wanted to be with him always. He made me happy. I knew that I could spend the rest of my existence loving him, taking care of him, and growing with him.

Every part of me felt good with him.
And that's why I said yes when he asked me to marry him.

He was more confident than me. He was older, more mature, and had a little more life experience. He had to calm me down multiple times when my nerves got a little too excited. I was so worried I was going to miss out on a lot of things I still wanted to do in my single life.

But I can honestly say, I wouldn't trade any of the experiences of my year-and-a-half marriage for the things I could have done as a single girl. I have learned so much about myself and how to find and maintain happiness. I have traveled farther than I ever did before. I have felt and experienced the deep joy that comes from building a home with someone. I understand more fully the love of my Heavenly Father.

Two years ago, I really didn't understand how good I had it.
And I probably still take too much for granted. . .

But this I do know: I love him now more than ever. And I'm forever grateful I said yes on that sweet February day two years ago.

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