Nine.

I forgot to mention that today is J.D. and I's 9 months. Here's the poem I gave him today :)

You got my number because you wanted to drop a line. I agreed to a date because I felt so inclined. I fell for you fast because you seemed so mature, so old, so refined. The charming smile & bright blue eyes… should’ve been a warning sign, But whenever you invited me out, I couldn’t decline. Every time I saw you I got shivers up my spine and it wasn’t long before I was on cloud nine…Your life and mine began to combine. We swam and danced and talked and kissed and dined. We spent the summer growing in love with our hands intertwined. Then at the end, our relationship had to be defined. I held up a big stop sign- You said “Maybe this could be divine.” And so… we headed up to Utah to laugh and play in the warm sunshine and despite my best efforts, I fell prey to your tricky design. You were so kind, and optimistic and you never whined. You were there when I needed you, but I never felt confined. I wanted to be by your side in rain or shine, but I still couldn’t make the ultimate decision, and so I pined… until you gave me a deadline. This was the plan that you outlined: “Decide no- we’ll go our separate ways and it’ll be fine. Decide yes- and I’ll call the airlines, We’ll go to Texas and I’ll ask your Dad if you can be mine.” I finally realized I didn’t need a vision, a revelation or a sign. I didn’t need to be Einstein. When I imagined my life, you’re the one I wanted in the storyline. So I committed my heart and said I love you, bolded and underlined. And despite the fact I don’t like canines, you asked me the day before Valentine’s, if I would marry you and be with you for the rest of time, and I said yes, despite your traffic fines. I love you forever honey. Happy nine!

What?

Sometimes girls are hard to get. Sometimes I don't understand why we are the way we are. My life is so happy. I just landed the internship I wanted for the summer. I'm engaged to someone who loves me more than I deserve and who would do anything for me. I'm flying home to Texas in two weeks to be the maid of honor at my best friend's wedding. And the month after that I'll be a bridesmaid at another wonderful girl's wedding. I have no papers due or tests to take this week. I'm doing well in school. Wedding plans are underway. My room is clean. I've been having good scripture study the past couple of days. All the signs point to... happy.

Still, for some reason.. all I want to do today is cry and I can't figure out why. I feel down. My heart is heavy. Something is nagging at my insides. What the heck?

To have and to hold.

So.. today.. I noticed the ring on my left hand ring finger. And I remembered that I'm engaged and in love and I started freaking out a little bit in my head. This has been happening pretty much on a daily basis for a little over a week now. And still, every time I see the ring... I'm a little surprised. Nevertheless, I'm so sure that this is right for me right now and that this is what I am supposed to be doing with my life. I love J.D. more than I've ever loved anyone, which at one point in my life, I didn't think was possible. When I think about the future, my future, our future...my heart starts to pitter patter a little faster. I don't want to live my life with anyone else. I want to continue courting him, to walk together, dance together, reminisce together... to give flowers and candy, to do little things, go on multiple honeymoons, stay close to him, team up against our problems, find new things to love about him. I want to make mealtimes matter, to cook for each other and create family traditions. I want to make breakfast... and lunch... and dinner.. in bed for each other. I want to try new foods and have meaningful mealtime discussions. I want him to be my first priority always. I want to counsel with him, to plan with him, to go to our kids' activities together and stand on the sidelines cheering them on. I want to load the suburban up, with all their equipment, and sack lunches, and books and bags and drive them where they need to go, while we jam to Disney tunes. I want to call him while he's at work just to tell him that I love him and that I can't wait for him to get home. I want to play together, smile together, laugh together, giggle together, and tickle him to death. I want to run and jump and swinng and watch fun movies with him. I want to dance around our little, modest home with the stereo blasting. I want to watch him toss our children in the air and I want to hear the sweet ringing of children's laughter filling our home. I want to have pillow fights and I want to camp and hike and bike and ski and boat and fish and I want him to teach me how to play tennis. I want us to go on a million first dates. I want to show him my affection, all the time. I want to hug him and kiss him and tackle him to the ground. I want to run my hands through his hair and kiss his ears right where it tickles. I want to play footsies at the kitcken table and hold hands with him at the grocery store. I want to rub noses, wrestle in the grass, snuggle under blankets. I want to give him back rubs when he's tired and hold his hand in prayer. I want to touch his life. I want to talk about what really matters, to tell him how grateful I am for him. I want to share all I have, all I am. I want to tell him all the stories of my childhood and I want him to pretend to think my jokes are funny, even when they aren't. I want to respect him, honor him, and look to him as the leader and patriarch of our home. I want to be able to say I'm wrong when I am and ask forgiveness when I need to. I want to pray with him, and read with him, and have family nights every week. I want to sing songs of worship with him. I want to serve with him, seek direction with him, and go to church with him. I want to mourn together, and comfort one another in times of unspeakable pain. I want our example to be one that our children remember and appreciate always. I want to work at hard things with him. I want to do projects, and housework, and gardening, and crafts with him. I want to resolve our differences. I want to make a difference in the word. I want to celebrate frequently our marriage and family. I want to celebrate birthdays, holidays, achievements, milestones, seasons, the Sabbath day, sacred events, baptims, weddings, the very gift of life itself. I want to spend time with his family and mine, playing board games all night and playing "remember-when." I want to remember where we came from. I want to decorate a home with him and work on home improvement projects together. I want to participate in sports with him, and feed off of that competitive edge that both of us have. When I look at him, this is what I see. This is what I want. This is the reason why I'm so happy... because my life is unfolding before me and I can hardly wait to jump in.

He's mine. To have and to hold... and I couldn't be more excited if I tried.

ouch!

So last night I was totally dreading have to get up this morning. Every night before I go to bed... I think about how soon 4:30 is going to come and how I should probably start getting to sleep a little sooner than I do. When I woke up this morning, I was hurting... just like I knew I would be. I went snowboarding on Saturday for the first time and it was quite an experience. Stef, Cory and I headed down to Brighton with J.D. and Jeff Weeks and his cute girlfriend Erin and her roommate Ashley (i think?) and the boys' friend, Jeff Pratt, from high school. It started snowing on the drive up and we were getting really pumped!

(I looooove this picture! I have such a cute boyfriend! )

When we got up to the resort, we got on all of our gear and headed for the mountain. The first run was absolutely terrible- I kept falling and hurting myself, and I was getting so discouraged, and I was cold, and I couldn't find a balance and I was so irritated. I wanted to just quit because everywhere was hurting and I had ice frozen to my stomach from falling so much. I was so annoyed! But I decided to just try again and the runs after that weren't so bad. I was pretty impressed by how good J.D. was at snowboarding. He goes all the time and I knew that he really enjoyed it... but he was super talented and I didn't even realize it. We were so cold and hungry by the end of the day... we got some Little Caesars and headed home. It was a good day though!

However, I have been hurting ever since. This morning at work it was hard for me to bend over and plug in the vacuum because my back hurts and my legs hurt and everything hurts. Even as I study, it hurts to lean over and grab a book. Ouch!

Productive Morning!

Dear reader of this blog,

i would just like to take a moment to be proud. i know... that's terrible.. but i really feel like i've accomplished something today! so i went to work this morning. which isn't too stupendously awesome.. but i realized today that it really is an amazing thing that i get up and go to clean at 4:30 every morning. If you think about it this way, it's pretty sweet: Every morning by 8 o'clock I've made about $27.25. Impressive! So task #1: work: check! The next big accomplishment of the day was that when I got home from work, I made oatmeal. I really didn't feel like oatmeal but remembered my mother telling me how oatmeal is a very smart breakfast choice. So task #2: eat healthy: check! Since I was already making positive choices and being so dang responsible... I decided to continue the healthy streak and work out. I was so not in the mood for this... but after a short battle with myself, decided to do it. Go Tae Bo! So task #3: get sweaty: check! As I was punching and kicking and twisting, I noticed how disgusting the rug in the living room was. This observation inspired me to clean the house. I picked off all the hair from the rug, vaccumed, put the furniture back, picked up the stuff, cleared off the table, did the dishes, and swept the kitchen floor. Then I lit the candle to make it smell good out there :) So task #4: clean the front area:check. Since the front was so clean... I decided to tidy up my bedroom too. So I did. And I made my bed. So task #5: clean room: check! I then decided I wanted to blog about what a good morning I've had... So here I am- updating blog: check! I still need to shower, and then I intend to get some good studying in and spend a bit of time in my scriptures. Nevertheless, it's been a very productive morning and I just had to brag a bit.

Yours truly,

Sum

temple thursdays

it has been a huge blessing in my life this semester to attend the temple on a regular basis. cory and i made a goal together to start going weekly and we have been so successful. i think i've only missed one week- when my mom came to visit. other than that, we've gone consistently to do baptisms and confirmations. i am so grateful for the temples on earth and for the sacred covenants we can make within those walls. i am thankful that i have been taught the importance of these buildings. i cannot imagine my life without this understanding. i am really looking forward to learning more, to deepening my understanding, to discovering the majesty of the gospel again and again.

hooray for temple thursdays!

laundry day

i have been putting off doing my laundry for quite a while and wearing cory's clothes like everyday. it's been really ridiculous. and every day this week i have said "okay, i HAVE to do my laundry today.." and then i haven't. so last night... J.D. took me to the store and made me get detergent and change so that i could do it today. and i did! and man it feels so great just to have it out of the way and done. i also cleaned my room and rearranged some things around. i like change :) also, i put some pictures in some albums and labeled them. i have been needing to do that for so long. i realized, though, that i have some scrapbooking to catch up on! like a whole years worth basically. but it was a good day because i feel like my life is back in order.

i just want to say that i love having cory as a roommate. she's the type of person that makes you feel good just by being around. so blessed to call her my friend :)