A Miracle for Me

Several years have passed since "Baby Booty Bump" and I've often reflected on why I got to have the particular life experience of viral Internet popularity. It's weird to have a short video like that one forever attached to my identity (ie. A friend introducing me to another friend for the first time: Remember that hilarious video I sent you a few years ago of my friend knocking her daughter over with her butt? This is her. Me: hm, hi?). Whether I like it or not, the clip will always be connected to me via a simple Google search of my name and I've just accepted it as one of those random facts about myself to inevitably include in introduction games. 

But here's what I didn't expect from my experience with the video: a fortifying, faith-building miracle. Let me explain. 

I believe in and practice the law of tithing. I have freely and willingly given 10% of my earnings back to God through our Church since I was a young girl; paying tithing is a practice I learned from my parents and one I recognize and revere as an eternal principle. It is not always easy to "give up" that much. It feels limiting and occasionally I struggle pushing the "submit" button on the donation page. But even when funds were tight and the extra money could've really benefited our family, JD and I have always paid a full and honest tithe. This habit will continue, as it is a non-negotiable pattern of living in our marriage.

"Of all that thou shalt give me I will surely give the tenth unto thee." Genesis 28:22 KJV

In the spring of 2017, I had become lax about our method of managing tithing. Our normal routine is to pay tithing as soon as our paychecks are deposited, before any other expenses or bills accrue.  I normally log-in to our bank account on Fridays, calculate 10%, and immediately fill out an online donation form. For some reason, I just fell out of the habit. A few months went by. In reviewing our finances, I determined we needed to pay several hundred dollars in tithing. Eek. I discussed the situation with JD, explaining how strongly I felt about paying the sum in full (a decision that would essentially drain our account). Though hesitant, he agreed. We paid it and I went to bed that night in a panicky state, unsure if our decision was totally prudent. 

I woke in the morning, mindlessly checking my email. To my complete surprise and delight, a message was waiting in my inbox from Storyful (the company I chose to manage everything related to "Baby Booty Bump"), notifying me of an upcoming deposit to my PayPal account. It'd been a few years since the video was posted and many months since I'd received any money for it. I was not awaiting payments of any kind. . . but the expected deposit amount matched our tithing payment, almost to the dollar. 

I could hardly believe it! It was a miracle. Truly, a carefully-constructed miracle from heaven just for me. A blaring reminder of the dependability of our God, of His faithfulness in keeping His promises. I cannot chalk this experience up to coincidence. No way. It was a huge building block for my faith- an undeniable witness that my heavenly parents are aware of me, know my struggles, and are reaching out to me, always. I know God doesn't need my money as much as He wants my obedience, my integrity, and my faith.

Also, I want to note- this was clearly a direct monetary blessing, but I know & can witness that not all tithing blessings deal with finances directly. Carl Pratt once explained it like this:

Money and bank accounts are not His richest blessings. He blesses us with wisdom to manage our limited material resources, wisdom that enables us to live better with 90 percent of our income than with 100 percent. Thus, faithful tithe payers understand provident living and tend to be more self-reliant. 

I have come to understand that the Lord’s richest blessings are spiritual, and they often have to do with family, friends, and the gospel. He often seems to give the blessing of a special sensitivity to the influence and guidance of the Holy Spirit, especially in marriage and family matters like raising children. Such spiritual sensitivity can help us enjoy the blessings of harmony and peace in the home. . . 

The payment of tithing helps us develop a submissive and humble heart. . . Tithe-paying fosters in us a generous and forgiving heart and a charitable heart full of the pure love of Christ. We become eager to serve and bless others with an obedient heart, submissive to the Lord’s will. Regular tithe payers find their faith in the Lord Jesus Christ strengthened, and they develop a firm, abiding testimony of His gospel and of His Church. None of these blessings are monetary or material in any way, but surely they are the Lord’s richest blessings.

I love his words! I believe them. 

I am so grateful for "Baby Booty Bump" and the part it played in my personal tithing miracle.

Love and Light

Years ago, when I was choosing a name for my business, I was drawn to the alliteration of "The Sunshine Space" and the catchy association my name had to that title. It felt right. I was aiming to create joyful, playful home decor pieces and the word "sunshine" seemed to fit my vibe. I kept the name when I started screen-printing because my goal with clothing design was the same as my aim with decor design: make stuff that's uplifting & "feel-goody." I re-branded this blog with the intention of creating a s u n s h i n e space on the internet-  a bright site with beautiful pictures, happy moments, inspiring DIY and craft projects, and messages orienting readers to the Ultimate Source of light, our Savior. 

. . . But it fizzled. For the past few years, I've carried a certain level of guilt regarding my "business" and my "blog." My brain rattled with all kinds of thoughts in connection to The Sunshine Space. 

What's the point? I haven't been actively engaged in building my brand, sharing my message, or creating anything for months and months on end. It's too hard. Too time-consuming. Too stressful. Too much. I don't feel like the reward in the creation process outweighs the stress of making perfect items to sell. There is no joy in this. I don't know what to say on the blog. I haven't been taking enough pictures. I don't know how to brand my items. How should my shop be connected to my blog? Does it make sense to do it all under the umbrella of "The Sunshine Space"? I don't like the style of the shirts I ordered. Dang it. I've made so many mistakes. I should cut my losses, sell my equipment, stop. But what about the parts I do love? Designing, drawing, composing. Sharing messages of hope. Creating good and beautiful things- physical items, words and sentences, feelings. Why did I have such a pull towards "The Sunshine Space" in the first place? How can I add light to the world? What is my purpose? What fuels me? What's the point?

And on and on. Then, one day earlier this year, I was sitting in a downstairs room of my basement- the room I go to ponder, to read, to make things, to display my scrapbooks, to journal- and a thought came. "This is The Sunshine Space," uttered the Spirit. This? This room? The window of the room faces the south side of my home and is an awesome source of light. There are no window treatments on that particular window, so the sunlight just spills in. It is a sunshine space. But The Sunshine Space? What does that mean? And all of a sudden, peace and understanding split open across my heart.

It was time to register Tenley for kindergarten and I just hadn't been able to bring myself to do it. I'd been considering the possibility of homeschooling. Starting to pray about whether that could be a viable option for my children, for me. Intimidated by the thought of it, but intrigued. Almost too timid to openly discuss it, to say the words aloud. Unaware of all the options, but open-minded. Interested. Searching. "This is The Sunshine Space," again.

Oh! A place of love and light. This is The Sunshine Space, the school. The haven for learning, the safe space I want to cultivate for my children.  A place to develop creativity, gratitude, critical thinking, curiosity, a love of learning, optimism, perseverance, kindness. A place to seek further light and knowledge. A place for sharing, loving, and learning. Together. The Sunshine Space. 

And that is how I came to feel such a renewed zeal for building The Sunshine Space. All these years of working and creating and seeking meaning and planning. . . they were preparing me for the path I can see unfolding before me now: homeschooling. I want to create channels of love and light- of hope, joy, testimony. I want to share goodness, to make beautiful things, to find understanding. But the place I start is home. The most essential sphere of influence I have is with my children. I can start here. I can do this.

I am excited (and terrified!) to share my homeschool journey here and I hope to support and encourage other Mommas on the way.

Love and light,
Summer

Do what you know

This blog has sat dormant for more months than I'd like to admit. There are multiple reasons, I suspect. Having young children. Buying my first home. Accepting a job promotion. Running a (very) small business. My husband applying for graduate programs and eventually deciding to start nursing school. But probably the biggest reason, I'd say, is because I've been depressed.

 

It's weird for me to type that. It's weird for me to experience it, really. I've had an optimistic, cheerful outlook for most of my life. I've been an advocate for happiness. For sunshine. For positivity and joy. To feel the darkness of reality creeping in and settling in my heart has been and continues to be disturbing for me. I don't have full-blown Major Depressive Disorder, as far as I can self-diagnose from studying the DSM-5. But I do have some marked symptoms: feelings of emptiness and hopelessness, unexplained tearfulness, diminished interest in activities that used to bring fulfillment (ie. blogging, scrapbooking, journaling), restlessness at bedtime, energy loss, and excessive, irrational guilt. I am anxious a lot about things I have no control over. It is difficult and I've been putting off addressing it because the idea of addressing it makes me even more anxious. But, then. . . I went skiing.

#smallbusinesssaturday

I've got loads of things to be grateful for this time of year (and always!)... but I'm especially thankful for a supportive husband who "gets" me and is always willing to put in the emotional and physical work to back me up. He's the one who really pushed for me to start getting my designs onto tees and I wouldn't be able to run this basement operation without him! Help support The Sunshine Space on this #smallbusinesssaturday. Use code SHOPSMALL for 20% off all orders today!!

It's a Jolly Holiday!

A few weeks ago, we rented Mary Poppins from the library and watched it together as a family (holy long movie!) During the "jolly holiday" scene, JD got up and started dancing like Bert and Tenley and I giggled at his silly moves. It was such a fun moment!! That night I decided we HAD to be Mary Poppins and Bert for Halloween. Our kids would be such cute little penguins! Thus began the search for costumes... 

"The stuff dreams are made of."

I've been feeling all kinds of mom guilt that I haven't given our new baby a proper introduction on the blog. How has he already been around for a whole month?!

Rhett Austin Knowlden was born on August 13, 2015 (7 lbs, 11 oz; 18 inches long). His entrance into the world didn't go anything like we had planned or hoped, but he made it here safely in the wee morning hours via C-section. We are grateful. 

I love this shot of us from our stay at the hospital. I look tired, but happy. Isn't that motherhood? It's draining work- changing, nursing, cuddling, crying, bathing, pacing, lifting, packing, folding, cleaning, loving. There have definitely been hard postpartum days where the tasks of parenthood seem overwhelming and annoying, but I'm trying so hard to cultivate a spirit of thankfulness and peace in my heart. Babies don't keep, you know? He's already so much more plump and squishy than he was when he got here!

The other night JD was able to get both sleeping kids out of their car seats and carried them inside (one on each shoulder) without waking them. I complimented him on his impressive Dad skills and he responded, "this is the stuff dreams are made of." He didn't want to lay them down and just soaked in their quiet goodness.

I've been thinking a lot about that phrase lately: "the stuff dreams are made of." I dreamed and planned and hoped for this stage in my life. . . my goal is to be present, grounded and grateful rather than frazzled, hurried, and resentful. 

Thank you, my little Tenley Mae and sweet baby Rhett, for refining me. You two, in so many ways, are making my dreams come true. 

Life right now

We took a spontaneous trip to California last weekend to visit friends. Two days of driving + three days of vacation. Grateful for a husband who encourages me to move a little outside my comfort zone. I'm not sure I would've chosen to road-trip at 34 weeks pregnant, but the sunshine and ocean were good for me. One day, JD dug a deep hole in the sand for my belly and I was able to nap on my stomach (oh, what a luxury!).

Life right now:

JD // Just finished his Organic Chemistry class. Pulled off a C+ (he needed at least a C).  So thankful it's over! Teaching tennis lessons two days/week. Loving the change of pace of working on a new floor at the hospital. Preparing to submit PA school applications (third time's the charm, right?!) Reminding Summer to take pre-natal vitamins and rub Bio-Oil on her belly. Cleaning all the screens for The Sunshine Space. Doing most of the kitchen chores (dishes, sweeping, mopping).

Summer// Trying to figure out how to manage t-shirt orders and inventory for the shop. Complaining about back pain on a regular basis. Making to-do lists for the next month before baby #2 arrives. Stressing about not being at brother's wedding in August. Preparing Sunday lesson to teach to women's group at church. Folding laundry. Trying to manage normal work schedule with an oversized, tired body. Feeling bittersweet about Tenley growing up.

Five reasons I'm a better person because I've worked in Residential Treatment

I've had some thoughts floating around in my head for the past few weeks and I just want to get them written down before my pregnant brain allows them to vanish forever. I am SO, SO grateful for my experiences working at a Residential Treatment Center (RTC).  Just as a little background for those of you who don't totally know what an RTC is: RTCs are basically live-in health care facilities where teenagers come to live, go to school, and receive intensive therapeutic services. The place I work is a lock-down setting (I've also worked in a less intense therapeutic boarding school). The center I'm at now provides treatment for adolescents with lots of different issues. . . oppositional defiant disorder, conduct disorder, depression and suicidal ideation, reactive attachment disorder, bipolar disorder, fetal alcohol syndrome, substance abuse, post-traumatic stress disorder, educational issues and histories of emotional, physical, and sexual abuse. There's always a lot going on with these kids! I'm a recreational therapist and currently work primarily with 15 to 17-year old boys with behavioral misconduct issues. I think I'm a better person because of the time I've spent with them. Here's why.

She's Watching.

A few weeks ago, we brought our camera outside because JD wanted to snap a few pictures of me with my pregnant belly. As he was doing this, Tenley became fascinated with the camera and wanted to try taking a few photos of her own. JD taught her how to hold the big device in her little hands and showed her what button to push. She was thoroughly entertained by the activity, directing us where to sit and when to say "Cheese!" These pictures are the result. They are blurry, off-centered, and unedited. But they're so endearing to me because they're what Tenley sees when she's watching us. I love that. 

Talks with Ten

Tenley is so expressive with her words lately and we are constantly surprised and entertained by the thoughts she shares. Here's a few snippets of our talks with Ten.

(Snuggling in my bed shortly after I returned from work one day last week).

T: Mmm... it smells like you.

Me: Oh, really? What do I smell like?

T: Um, I think kind of like a girl.

Zoo date

Tenley loves her Aunt and Uncle, "Tyler and Kella." JD and Tenley went on a double date with them to the zoo a few weeks ago (I was working). I'm so glad they got this special time together because I got these darling pictures. Seriously? So adorable. 

We are so lucky to live close to all of JD's siblings. I love that we can plan last-minute spontaneous get-togethers and pull them off with relative ease!

Party of Four

It's been a long, exhausting journey to get to this exciting announcement: our family is growing! After a year and a half of trying to get pregnant and eventually some infertility treatment, it finally happened. The fact that our little one is due on our anniversary (August 14) doesn't seem like a coincidence to me. It feels like a tender mercy from our Father in Heaven, a reminder that He knows us, loves us, and wants us to trust His timing over our own. 

So, let's celebrate! JD, Tenley, and I will soon be a party of four!

Christmas Sunday

I was so excited for Christmas Sunday because I planned for Tenley to wear the same red velvet dress I wore as a little girl. My mom gave it to me shortly after she was born and it has waited in her closet for the perfect occasion. Tenley was so darling in the dress! As I was getting her ready, I couldn't help but feel nostalgic and emotional. I felt connected to my mom, and to her mom, and to all the moms that came before her, and to motherhood in general. What a fantastic journey, adventure, endeavor to engage in- motherhood. I am grateful.

Tidbits from Tenley

Tenley's vocabulary seems to be expanding daily. We are so entertained, inspired, and surprised by the things she says. Wanted to record a few things to remember.

Right now.

I am so anxious for the next big thing. For another baby. For JD to get into PA school. For our first house. It's hard for me to stay grounded. To be here. To love the stage we're in RIGHT NOW. 

It's a work in progress, but I am grateful for today. Today, we have a dishwasher (a luxury I was dreaming of just a few months ago). Today, we both have jobs we really enjoy. Today, we don't have the stress of going to school. Today, we made a really yummy dinner (homemade bread+pasta+broccoli). Today, we played with our spunky two-year-old at a trampoline warehouse. Today, we live close to family and get to see them weekly. Today, we filled our fridge with groceries. Today, we prayed together and Tenley repeated the words. Today is good. 

Birthday buddies.

Tenley and JD are birthday buddies. Ten turned two on Saturday (how?!) and today is JD's big day (he's 29). I remember being a little bummed when she was born that JD would always have to share his birthday week with her. . . but I got over that quickly because, I mean, how long can you stay bummed when you've got a sweet new baby? I digress. I tend to do that. Oh gosh. . . 

Now, I kind of like the idea of having their birthdays so close together because it allows me to really celebrate two of my biggest blessings. This birthday week provides a very obvious opportunity for me to reflect on and express gratitude for my family.

These two. They're a playful duo- always finding ways to add spontaneity, giggles, and light to my life. I'm grateful they let me in on the fun.

It's sweet again.

It's been two months since I lasted posted on this blog. The days pass so quickly! I can't believe how the seasons fade into each other and then, without me even noticing, the years change. Time slips through my grasp and I have a hard time orienting myself. I feel like I'm a brand-new mom. . . and I'd say, in some respects, I still am. However, I've had a little human in my care for two years now. What a remarkable, hard, patience-testing, joyful, tiring, happy struggle-blessing! (Haha- clearly parenthood is hard to describe).

Spudman

It's official: I am married to a triathlete! I can't believe JD can check "participating in a triathlon" off his bucket list. It just seems like such a hard, unattainable accomplishment. . . but, he rocked that thing like a champ and had a fun time with his cousins, brother, and uncles. Go, JD, go!!

Sparkle and Shine

During the initial stages of planning my golden birthday party, I decided I wanted to base the decor on  the words "SPARKLE AND SHINE." Those two words guided all my decorating decisions! I looked up different quotes with the words "sparkle" or "shine" or some variation of those two words to use in frames as centerpieces. Here are a few other ideas I utilized as focal points and accents on the tables:

• Empty jars with gold ribbons and/or buttons housed inside
• Paper & ribbon banners on shiskabob sticks, planted in mini mason jars of dirt
• Gold doilies
• Gold candle roses (found in the wedding section at Hobby Lobby; just for decoration, as no open flames were allowed at the park)
• Spray-painted plastic lion
• Fake flowers taped to jars and "planted" in dirt
• Scrapbook sticker numbers "25" on old mirrors and in frames
• Reese's and Rolo candies sprinkled down the middle of the tables

I was so excited about these tables! Instead of using the typical plastic party tablecloths, I lined the tables with rolls of brown kraft wrapping paper. There were crayons out on the tables for guests to doodle and draw with as they chatted. I thought the fancy gold contrasted well with the rustic brown. . . perfect combo!

"May you always have work for your hands to do. May your pockets hold always a coin or two. May the sun shine bright on your windowpane. May the rainbow be certain to follow each rain. May the hand of a friend always be near you, and may God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you." 

-Irish Blessing

Golden Birthday

I turned 25 on July 25th. For some inexplicable reason, 25 seems like a landmark age to me. It's kind of a big deal, I suppose. As a teenager, I remember thinking, hypothetically, "By the time I'm 25, x, y or z." You know, like I should be accomplished and have stuff to show for myself by now? Haha. . . I definitely DO think I've done some pretty neat things so far in my life and so I decided to throw myself a golden birthday party to celebrate the big day. JD was my right-hand man through it all. I sent out invitations, reserved a pavilion at a park, made gold frosted cupcakes, assembled gold centerpieces, and even bought & altered a gold-toed boot piñata. Talk about a party ;)

It was stressful to have the party outside when the weather forecast was expected to be gloomy. I was so anxious! However, everything went off without a hitch (thanks, in big part, to my family who was in town from Texas). Thank you to everyone who came to help me celebrate! To me, it was a magical evening of good conversation, good friends, and good food. All the makings of a good birthday.